Smalt || Happiness is a Smart Salt Shaker

The other day, I was in the kitchen, wearing a classic shirt waist dress and an old school apron, chain smoking and generally looking like a discontent housewife, whilst I was cooking a big old home cooked meal for my darling husband. It was his favourite; cheeky Nandos style pot roast. Naturally, I’d never had any, because it’s important that a woman retains her figure, but he seemed to like it, so that’s the important thing.

My darling husband was late. He often arrived late, sometimes with lipstick on his collar, but he swore to me that he wasn’t having an affair so that was the end of that conversation. As I sat alone in the kitchen, with no one to keep me company but my children, I couldn’t help but glance at the salt shaker. It looked so boring. It was just a little ceramic pot with a few holes in it. I hated it. It was dull, drab, desolate, and it reminded me of the limitations of humanity.

I had no such qualms with the pepper shaker. I loved the pepper shaker.

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Merry Christmas Have A Shitty Rock In A Shitty Bag

As the Holiday season looms upon us, we start to consider how best to show our appreciation to the ones we love in the most materialistic way possible. It’s been a tough year for everyone; icons have died, movies have been shit, on either side of the pond we’ve suffered through political fuckery. Why not show the ones you love that you care with an $85 rock in a bag.

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