You’re sitting at your desk, doing paperwork; you’ve spent the entire morning editing the margins, perfecting the font – none of that Arial size 10 bullshit for you, you’ve gone for deluxe fonts. Instead of a plain black font, you’ve one upped yourself and gone for dark, dark, dark, dark grey. The difference is barely noticeable but you know. Oh, boy do you know. You’ve decided to print it on the fancy paper that’s normally reserved for special events. Sure, the finance department will probably yell at you again for wasting resources and money, and apparently, the company is nearly ~broke,~ but you don’t care – this report is worth it. You are worth it.
(The report in question is the weekly update for Linda in HR but it doesn’t matter. This report is too dang valuable for stupid Linda and her stupid bangs that she won’t shut up about. Shut up Linda)
We’re officially in June, and even though we’ve been busy with Boshemia magazine (available soon online and at select retailers), it’s time to talk about the elephant in the room.
I’ve started using new hair products, and nobody has noticed my impeccable curl.
JK we’re going to talk about the election. I’d rather talk about my hair too. Here we go.
Honestly I’ve been putting off election talk because it’s always so exhausting! We’ve just had to deal with the disappointment of Brexit, only for our collective eyes to turn to the State’s shocking election fuck ups. The recent French results were a relief, but good god I’m tired! But no, we’re back at it. The busses are at full swing, we’re getting campaign letters through the mail and every single UK reader of this blog (and every blog) has registered to vote. Right? Right?
The other day, I was in the kitchen, wearing a classic shirt waist dress and an old school apron, chain smoking and generally looking like a discontent housewife, whilst I was cooking a big old home cooked meal for my darling husband. It was his favourite; cheeky Nandos style pot roast. Naturally, I’d never had any, because it’s important that a woman retains her figure, but he seemed to like it, so that’s the important thing.
My darling husband was late. He often arrived late, sometimes with lipstick on his collar, but he swore to me that he wasn’t having an affair so that was the end of that conversation. As I sat alone in the kitchen, with no one to keep me company but my children, I couldn’t help but glance at the salt shaker. It looked so boring. It was just a little ceramic pot with a few holes in it. I hated it. It was dull, drab, desolate, and it reminded me of the limitations of humanity.
I had no such qualms with the pepper shaker. I loved the pepper shaker.
With Valentine’s Day and the inevitable nuclear holocaust coming up, don’t we all just want someone with whom to watch as the mushroom clouds explode as you eat heart shaped candy? Well, here’s a post for all the straight male readers out there – that’s right, all three of you. Here’s a post on how to date a feminist; because as the world eats itself up, you need someone by your side to blame everything on the patriarchy. Read on straight dudes for the ultimate feminist dating guide.
Today is Blue Monday, supposedly the most depressing day of the year. I mean you can see why: Christmas and New Year festivities are well and truly over; you’ve probably already broken your new year’s resolutions; you’re broke from aforementioned festivities and payday is still two weeks away; Summer seems like it might never come; and January weather is bleak AF up here in the Northern Hemisphere (sob sob). Here are our top suggestions of little things you can do to bring a ray of happiness and light into your Blue Monday.